Reflections On My Discontent

The winter break was a painful time me for me as I worried about false charges directed at me. Yet it was also a  productive time.   In order to take my mind of my worries, I started to update my lectures and creating new assignments for this semester. When that did not stop the worrying in my head, I restarted my Zen meditation practice.  I had not practiced since the late 1990’s.  

This weekend, I came to the realization that the root of my stress at work has to do with fear and aversion. You ask “Fear of what?”   

Before coming to Rio Hondo, I worked at other community colleges.  Notice that I have highlighted the word “worked” in the previous sentence. The word “work” implies a sense of drudgery.  During my meditation, I realized that I do not work at Rio Hondo, but I flourish in goodwill of my colleagues at Rio Hondo.

You may say “that is wonderful but where is the fear?”

During the last few years, I had observed goodwill of faculty, Classified staff and low level administrators (Deans and Directors) slowly being replaced by flow charts and contract language.

 My fear was a day when everyone at Rio Hondo would be an automaton and this wonderful place would become just another place where I just work at!

It will no longer be about great people wanting to make a difference, but about what it says in their job description and what is the minimum required of them in their respective employment contracts. Nothing gets done because a faculty member or a classified employee took the initiative to achieve an improvement. The “family feeling” at Rio Hondo was being suffocated in an atmosphere of fear and punishment that would have been used to accomplish tasks.

 “I have an idea and would like to volunteer…” was being replaced by “based on the contract you must accomplish this task.”

The chatter in my mind kept  directing my attention to how our classified employees were treated. They were the first member of the Rio Hondo Family that was slowly being suffocated. Next I  could see  the Deans keeping quiet out of fear, and finally I remember them coming for the faculty. 

It is my hope that we are vigilant and do not allow this terror to return to our little college on the hill.